Why did I become a minister? It seemed to be the thing to do, felt like something that I wanted to do. Part of the reason was for the ego. The right to put Rev. in front of my name is one. Another reason was to force myself to actual come to terms with what I think and feel in a spiritual way. By going through the ordination, and give it the value that I perceive the title to have, I would need to define what I think and feel in a manner that I can express coherently to others. Also, the title would give some legitimacy to those beliefs.

I found the Universal Life Church website and went through the Ordination ceremony. I had known of the ULC for decades, and recall my father discussing it, and considering joining it back in the 'mid-late 70's. I knew the ULC existed, and for a donation, one could become a minister.

This thought stayed with me through the years, never in the foreground, but not forgotten. While the idea of becoming a minister had an appeal for me, my thoughts and attitudes with organized religions were always less than respectful. I perceive organized religions to be not guiders and counselors of faith, but companies, with the same objectives as any company, which was to increase their coffers at the expense and physiological harm of their followers.

My own beliefs run in a more Taoist/Zen vein. What will happen, would happen, and the only absolute law is that everything can and will change. Moderation is good, excess in anything is bad. I feel that religion was a crutch for people unwilling or unable to take responsibility for their own lives and actions. I never felt I had a need to have a religion, as I felt I was pretty self-reliant. I have the understanding that one cannot really respect and like others, if one does not like and respect one's self first. This is the message that I give my family, and I credit my parents with that gift of understanding as well.

My parents did not raise me with any real faith or religion. My sole experience with the church was in the form of Sunday school, at the insistence of a grandmother. I have attempted to read the bible... but wow.. it's hard to get past that first section there, and what is this with Lilith anyway? She was there before Eve, yet the church line is Eve was the first woman. Not to spark a discussion about it, but I mention this as it made me realize that the Church paid about as much attention to the bible as I did, other than to pull out what it wanted to justify it's positions, and ignore the rest. For a book of God's word, it was written by a lot of bad human authors. In my humble opinion.

Yet deep down, perhaps fueled by family history which has many ministers, preaching and speaking about belief and faith has been there. Or at least the desire for a means to "legitimize" my feelings on faith and belief.

I have started my writing again, and have refocused on my personal life goals. And again, the memory of the ULC (though the actual name had been forgotten, but not it's existence) came to mind. I made inquiries of a friend that haunts religious debating boards, and she, after checking with a few of her contacts, provided me with the link to ULC.

My initial thought was to be ordained, so that I felt more comfortable about talking about my beliefs. It seemed silly to me in one respect, that I didn't need any sort of ordination for me to believe in what I believed in, but doing so would give a bit more, well, leverage, or legitimacy to my opinions, and it felt the right thing to do emotionally, if not intellectually.

I have learned not to ignore these emotional urges, while they get me into a spot of trouble now and then, they have been more effective in preventing me from making a lot of mistakes. So when I make decisions, Both my intellectual reasoning and emotional feelings are checked before I follow a path. In this case, my intellect abstained from this decision, so while it didn't approve, it didn't disprove. So emotion carried the decision, and I went through the ordination. And felt good about it afterwards.

I have been reading the ULC website in more detail since, and have been going through the sermons of Brother Daniel. Much to my delight, I discover that the ULC, and the attitudes and opinions expressed in his sermons, are very close to mine. It's a joy to find others that share the same thoughts and attitudes as myself.

What my eventual goals will be as a minister, I am not sure. Perhaps I am not ready to see where this path may lead. At least the gate to that path is now open to me, and while that path is shrouded in darkness for the moment, I look forward to seeing what might be down it. It feels good.